I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
