she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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