i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
