Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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