I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
