so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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