that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
