Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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