I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
