No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
