shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
