Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
