We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
