Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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