It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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