call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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