from now on my penis is your penis
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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