you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
