you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
