i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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