she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
