yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
