it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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