Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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