She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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