i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
