So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
