my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
