I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
