i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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