in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
