I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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