Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
