I'm so fucking centered right now
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
