ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Found the puke drawer
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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