ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
