I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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