You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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