This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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