You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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