I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
there was a trapeze. enough said
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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