i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
home. puking in laundry basket.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
