Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
