thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
