God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
