Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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