My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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