My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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