My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
