Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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