I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
