Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I could make wine with my vomit
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
