we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
