9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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